3 Easy Steps To Finally Realize Your Core Fear (Part 2 of 2)

In part 2 we will explore techniques on how to dig into our emotions so that the heart of the symptom can be revealed, which is our core fear imprint.

Important note: Just so that you are aware, I will be brutally honest with myself in order to show you live examples, and extreme sensitive matters will be revealed.

In Part 1 we looked at The Art of Asking Questions, and how imperative it is to allow ourselves to ask questions when we feel something is not quite right. We recommend that you check out 3 Easy Steps To Finally Realize Your Core Fear (Part 1 of 2) before going into these final 2 steps.

Step 2: Locating Secondary Fears That Will Lead You To The Core

Core fears are what govern our every move, thought, action and emotions, thus effect our physical, mental and emotional behaviours. They reside in our subconscious mind and contradict our highest good or well-being, consequently cause us pain. It's like living with a roommate whom you just can't seem to get along with. Well, it's time to break the lease!

Analysis for your visual: You try to bring a plant back to life, which you have been ignoring for years, by going back in time (of course with a time machine) and provide it water and sunlight so that the damages of today can be reversed. This process is the exact same concept, except no need for a time machine, just a bit of imagination ;)

As shown in the previous diagram from Part 1, there could be many secondary fears branching off of that one source fear, also called the heart of the fear. But if we look at the surface level what we will see are by-products of the actual root problem. So let's take a quick look at examples of what our core fear may be:

• Abandoned, Ignorance, Loneliness, Neglect, Rejection or Undesired
  opposites: accepted, attention, cherished, comforted, connection, desired, expression, reassured, wanted
• Betrayed, Deceived, Mislead, Undervalued
  opposites: justice, accepted, affection, appreciated, cherished, loved, valued
• Humiliation, Judgment, Misunderstood or Misinterpreted 
  opposites: accepted, loved, heard, respected, understood, valued
• Danger, Insecurity or Uncertainty 
  opposites: comfort, peace, reassured, safety, security, survival
• Despair, Failure, Inferior, Powerlessness or Lost of Control 
  opposites: hope, faith, encouraged, confidence, powerful, succeed, determination, control, self-worth, purpose
• Disconnection or Emptiness
  opposites: awareness, connected, one-self, being, belonging, purpose
• Unhappiness, Unfulfilled 
  opposites: complete, fulfilled, joyfulness, peacefulness, purpose
• Unimportant or Worthlessness 
  opposites: capable, efficient, important, worthy

Here is a diagram displaying examples of how our core fear will branch off in to multiple secondary fears:

Sound familiar? If so good! We're one step closer...

Now that we've narrowed it down to one or a few core fears, let's choose the most dominant one to work with today during this exercise. Perhaps the one that stood out the most simply by observing these examples or the secondary beliefs you've come up with. The other ones can be visited when you feel ready or if you feel necessary.

Tip: If you can't narrow it down to one main fear, think about a bad experience you once lived where it caused you to fear. Then, summarize it in one simple sentence using your own words, as if you're expressing your concern to a loved one, finally right it down and use it to start this process. Hint: you know you're on the right track if you resonated with one or more of its opposites.

Step 3: Finding The Dominant Core Fear

During Part 1 we looked at The Art of Asking Questions and trusting that our mind will take us to the exact moment we want to be. This is pretty much what we're doing again this time, but we'll get slightly more specific.

Now that you've deliberately been brought closer to the source of the problem and feel ready to take it further, we will now dive in and take it to the final step, and we will do so with a simple mental exercise using our imagination in order to allow us to go "back in time".

To begin, while you're holding on to that thought, observe yourself (always in 3rd person perspective) experiencing it again as if you're watching your own child (or yourself as an adult), and then feel every emotion you were experiencing in that moment, like his or hers emotions were directly communicated to you. Let and invite the emotions rise to the surface naturally. By not thinking and only observing, ask yourself these additional probing questions:

1. When did I first feel this emotion?
2. Who was I surrounded by?
3. Where was I?
4. When did I last feel this emotion?
5. What am I afraid of?
6. Why am I afraid of it?

Feel free to use your own words to describe how you feel exactly. For the sake of this post I kept it cleaner. It should look something like this:

1. When did I first feel this emotion?  between 5 and 6 years old
2. Who was I surrounded by?  no one
3. Where was I?  in my bed
4. When did I last feel this emotion?  last year (in my bed again)
5. What am I afraid of?  for myself, to be alone, to be with someone, to be stuck with someone, to be unwanted, captured, told what to do, my survival, for my family
6. Why am I afraid of it?  I fear never I will be happy

It's absolutely normal to cry while you're consciously re-living your emotions, in fact why don't you take this moment for yourself and let it all out. If you don't cry or feel anything that's Ok too, just keep going with the process and repeat if needed. It's also normal if you start seeing indirect scenarios, this simply means they share the same fear or a secondary fear, and as temping as they may be try to keep your attention on that initial moment. Observation: if your mind repeatedly goes back to another moment, then move on it. Some wounds just need to be acknowledged and your work is done :)

Finally, the last part to this process is to take it a tiny bit further by breaking down your final answer from question 6, or your own sentence you wrote a moment ago, and ask yourself these two probing questions in an alternate matter. Think as if you're trying to find out the truth behind what seems to be a lie ;) This will invite the true core fear to come out. Here are the questions that have been used by many leaders over again:

1. What does that mean to you?
2. How would that be so bad?

Starting from "I fear never I will be happy", it shall look somewhat like this:

1. How would that be so bad?  life is pointless if I can't be happy
2. What does that mean to you?  it means that there is no point to keep on living
3. How would that be so bad?  I guess it's not
4. What does that mean to you?  I don't care for my life
5. How would that be so bad?  asking for self-destruction
6. What does that mean to you?  that I don't care about myself
7. How would that be so bad?  not caring for others
8. What does that mean to you?  I'm selfish
9. How would that be so bad?  no one will want to be with me
10. What does that mean to you?  I will always be alone
11. How would that be so bad?  won't experiencing love
12. What does that mean to you?  I will slowly die inside
13. How would that be so bad?  an illness will take over me
14. What does that mean to you?  I'm giving up on myself
15. How would that be so bad?  giving up on everyone else
16. What does that mean to you?  that I'm a quitter
17. How would that be so bad?  I'm selfish...

As you can see from my attempt, team work would do a much better job at this. Also there are no right or wrong as to which question should be followed next. Simply go with the one that resonates most. You can even ask both at the same time and or let your intuition decide. In my example I chose to alternate between the two and actually found it a bit difficult to promptly get to a satisfying destination.

People who tend to live "in a lie" (and you know who you are) will find this exercise very hard as for their answers won't be coherent nor will they align with their experiences, therefore they will find it contradictory, probably wont enjoy the process at all, or may even find it particularly "pointless", because they refuse to see the truth.

After going in circles, in my case my core fear seems to be selfish. I fear being seen as selfish. What does this mean in my everyday life experiences? Every action I take, words I say, and thought I think are branches of this core belief that I unconsciously have of myself. For instance, when I say no to going on a date or going out with friends, I feel selfish. When I have an opportunity to help someone but it's minus 30 outside, I feel selfish. When I buy groceries, I feel selfish. Guilt, worthless and insecurity could also be other core beliefs of mine, and I'm excited to continue to explore my roots. I could go on and on but I think by now you have a good idea.

It's not the belief that we fear, and in fact we want to thank it for allowing us to see another side of us that we may not be aware of. It is the consequences that follow as secondary fears, (e.g., pain, aches, stress, anxiety. reputation, career, friends, family, love, etc.), thoughts (e.g., self-pity, worthless, self-destructive thoughts, negative thinking) and actions (e.g., self-destructive acts, isolation, hesitating, missing out on opportunities, or over doing it to suppress the pain).

You can also try this process with smaller issues, such as something that gets on your nerves or something you often complain about, and start straight from those two alternating questions. You'd be amazed how aligned it all sums up.

Doing this mental exercise can be extremely powerful in many ways when done with pure honesty, by yourself or with a partner, but it is imperative that you first are willing to accept whatever will be revealed from your past. You must agree to this statement before considering, in other words you have to be willing to face the truth.

I hope you will have as much fun with this process as we did, and hope it can be helpful to you or to someone who needs support. Please don't be shy to leave your comments as we would truly love to hear from your experience.

If you're looking for a quick and very effective way to relieve your anxiety and depression symptoms, then you might also enjoy our other article about 4 Powerful Reasons Why Anxiety Is Your Friend (With Tips!).

If you would like to contribute to our blog by sharing your own personal story on how you struggle with anxiety or how you have defeated depression, please click here :)

Happy Self-revealing!

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Namaste

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MOAIS

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