3 Easy Steps To Finally Realize Your Core Fear (Part 2 of 2)

In part 2 we will explore techniques on how to dig into our emotions so that the heart of the symptom can be revealed, which is our core fear imprint.

Important note: Just so that you are aware, I will be brutally honest with myself in order to show you live examples, and extreme sensitive matters will be revealed.

In Part 1 we looked at The Art of Asking Questions, and how imperative it is to allow ourselves to ask questions when we feel something is not quite right. We recommend that you check out 3 Easy Steps To Finally Realize Your Core Fear (Part 1 of 2) before going into these final 2 steps.

Step 2: Locating Secondary Fears That Will Lead You To The Core

Core fears are what govern our every move, thought, action and emotions, thus effect our physical, mental and emotional behaviours. They reside in our subconscious mind and contradict our highest good or well-being, consequently cause us pain. It's like living with a roommate whom you just can't seem to get along with. Well, it's time to break the lease!

Analysis for your visual: You try to bring a plant back to life, which you have been ignoring for years, by going back in time (of course with a time machine) and provide it water and sunlight so that the damages of today can be reversed. This process is the exact same concept, except no need for a time machine, just a bit of imagination ;)

As shown in the previous diagram from Part 1, there could be many secondary fears branching off of that one source fear, also called the heart of the fear. But if we look at the surface level what we will see are by-products of the actual root problem. So let's take a quick look at examples of what our core fear may be:

• Abandoned, Ignorance, Loneliness, Neglect, Rejection or Undesired
  opposites: accepted, attention, cherished, comforted, connection, desired, expression, reassured, wanted
• Betrayed, Deceived, Mislead, Undervalued
  opposites: justice, accepted, affection, appreciated, cherished, loved, valued
• Humiliation, Judgment, Misunderstood or Misinterpreted 
  opposites: accepted, loved, heard, respected, understood, valued
• Danger, Insecurity or Uncertainty 
  opposites: comfort, peace, reassured, safety, security, survival
• Despair, Failure, Inferior, Powerlessness or Lost of Control 
  opposites: hope, faith, encouraged, confidence, powerful, succeed, determination, control, self-worth, purpose
• Disconnection or Emptiness
  opposites: awareness, connected, one-self, being, belonging, purpose
• Unhappiness, Unfulfilled 
  opposites: complete, fulfilled, joyfulness, peacefulness, purpose
• Unimportant or Worthlessness 
  opposites: capable, efficient, important, worthy

Here is a diagram displaying examples of how our core fear will branch off in to multiple secondary fears:

Sound familiar? If so good! We're one step closer...

Now that we've narrowed it down to one or a few core fears, let's choose the most dominant one to work with today during this exercise. Perhaps the one that stood out the most simply by observing these examples or the secondary beliefs you've come up with. The other ones can be visited when you feel ready or if you feel necessary.

Tip: If you can't narrow it down to one main fear, think about a bad experience you once lived where it caused you to fear. Then, summarize it in one simple sentence using your own words, as if you're expressing your concern to a loved one, finally right it down and use it to start this process. Hint: you know you're on the right track if you resonated with one or more of its opposites.

Step 3: Finding The Dominant Core Fear

During Part 1 we looked at The Art of Asking Questions and trusting that our mind will take us to the exact moment we want to be. This is pretty much what we're doing again this time, but we'll get slightly more specific.

Now that you've deliberately been brought closer to the source of the problem and feel ready to take it further, we will now dive in and take it to the final step, and we will do so with a simple mental exercise using our imagination in order to allow us to go "back in time".

To begin, while you're holding on to that thought, observe yourself (always in 3rd person perspective) experiencing it again as if you're watching your own child (or yourself as an adult), and then feel every emotion you were experiencing in that moment, like his or hers emotions were directly communicated to you. Let and invite the emotions rise to the surface naturally. By not thinking and only observing, ask yourself these additional probing questions:

1. When did I first feel this emotion?
2. Who was I surrounded by?
3. Where was I?
4. When did I last feel this emotion?
5. What am I afraid of?
6. Why am I afraid of it?

Feel free to use your own words to describe how you feel exactly. For the sake of this post I kept it cleaner. It should look something like this:

1. When did I first feel this emotion?  between 5 and 6 years old
2. Who was I surrounded by?  no one
3. Where was I?  in my bed
4. When did I last feel this emotion?  last year (in my bed again)
5. What am I afraid of?  for myself, to be alone, to be with someone, to be stuck with someone, to be unwanted, captured, told what to do, my survival, for my family
6. Why am I afraid of it?  I fear never I will be happy

It's absolutely normal to cry while you're consciously re-living your emotions, in fact why don't you take this moment for yourself and let it all out. If you don't cry or feel anything that's Ok too, just keep going with the process and repeat if needed. It's also normal if you start seeing indirect scenarios, this simply means they share the same fear or a secondary fear, and as temping as they may be try to keep your attention on that initial moment. Observation: if your mind repeatedly goes back to another moment, then move on it. Some wounds just need to be acknowledged and your work is done :)

Finally, the last part to this process is to take it a tiny bit further by breaking down your final answer from question 6, or your own sentence you wrote a moment ago, and ask yourself these two probing questions in an alternate matter. Think as if you're trying to find out the truth behind what seems to be a lie ;) This will invite the true core fear to come out. Here are the questions that have been used by many leaders over again:

1. What does that mean to you?
2. How would that be so bad?

Starting from "I fear never I will be happy", it shall look somewhat like this:

1. How would that be so bad?  life is pointless if I can't be happy
2. What does that mean to you?  it means that there is no point to keep on living
3. How would that be so bad?  I guess it's not
4. What does that mean to you?  I don't care for my life
5. How would that be so bad?  asking for self-destruction
6. What does that mean to you?  that I don't care about myself
7. How would that be so bad?  not caring for others
8. What does that mean to you?  I'm selfish
9. How would that be so bad?  no one will want to be with me
10. What does that mean to you?  I will always be alone
11. How would that be so bad?  won't experiencing love
12. What does that mean to you?  I will slowly die inside
13. How would that be so bad?  an illness will take over me
14. What does that mean to you?  I'm giving up on myself
15. How would that be so bad?  giving up on everyone else
16. What does that mean to you?  that I'm a quitter
17. How would that be so bad?  I'm selfish...

As you can see from my attempt, team work would do a much better job at this. Also there are no right or wrong as to which question should be followed next. Simply go with the one that resonates most. You can even ask both at the same time and or let your intuition decide. In my example I chose to alternate between the two and actually found it a bit difficult to promptly get to a satisfying destination.

People who tend to live "in a lie" (and you know who you are) will find this exercise very hard as for their answers won't be coherent nor will they align with their experiences, therefore they will find it contradictory, probably wont enjoy the process at all, or may even find it particularly "pointless", because they refuse to see the truth.

After going in circles, in my case my core fear seems to be selfish. I fear being seen as selfish. What does this mean in my everyday life experiences? Every action I take, words I say, and thought I think are branches of this core belief that I unconsciously have of myself. For instance, when I say no to going on a date or going out with friends, I feel selfish. When I have an opportunity to help someone but it's minus 30 outside, I feel selfish. When I buy groceries, I feel selfish. Guilt, worthless and insecurity could also be other core beliefs of mine, and I'm excited to continue to explore my roots. I could go on and on but I think by now you have a good idea.

It's not the belief that we fear, and in fact we want to thank it for allowing us to see another side of us that we may not be aware of. It is the consequences that follow as secondary fears, (e.g., pain, aches, stress, anxiety. reputation, career, friends, family, love, etc.), thoughts (e.g., self-pity, worthless, self-destructive thoughts, negative thinking) and actions (e.g., self-destructive acts, isolation, hesitating, missing out on opportunities, or over doing it to suppress the pain).

You can also try this process with smaller issues, such as something that gets on your nerves or something you often complain about, and start straight from those two alternating questions. You'd be amazed how aligned it all sums up.

Doing this mental exercise can be extremely powerful in many ways when done with pure honesty, by yourself or with a partner, but it is imperative that you first are willing to accept whatever will be revealed from your past. You must agree to this statement before considering, in other words you have to be willing to face the truth.

I hope you will have as much fun with this process as we did, and hope it can be helpful to you or to someone who needs support. Please don't be shy to leave your comments as we would truly love to hear from your experience.

If you're looking for a quick and very effective way to relieve your anxiety and depression symptoms, then you might also enjoy our other article about 4 Powerful Reasons Why Anxiety Is Your Friend (With Tips!).

If you would like to contribute to our blog by sharing your own personal story on how you struggle with anxiety or how you have defeated depression, please click here :)

Happy Self-revealing!

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Namaste

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3 Easy Steps To Finally Realize Your Core Fear (Part 1 of 2)

Questionable thought, questionable feeling, questionable emotion, questionable symptom, questionable anxiety, questionable depression, questionable meaning of your own life's purpose?

Everything can be questioned. I simply can't get enough of questioning myself, well also about everything. It provides me so much insight as to what are my personal problems beneath the surface, which were completely unknown to me, and even though the answers are not always what I expected, it's good to get to know me :)

They said "what ain't broken can't be fixed" (I love this quote!), so if it's all good then you must be on the right track, though improvement is always welcomed! But maybe there's something wrong going on in your life, maybe you've lost hope, nothing seems to come together or make any sense, or maybe it simply doesn't "feel" right. Well then there are no questions there, there is something wrong, something is blocking you, so there is something to question about.

Philosophers, life-coaches, spiritual teachers, etc., all seem to agree on this one philosophy, which sounds something like:

If you want to achieve greatness you must first let go of what's holding you back.

In this case the "unwanted" will be our core belief. It feels like we're constantly going back to this issue, because there is really no way around it:

The belief which lies in our subconscious mind will dominate all other beliefs we think we hold.

Maybe these 5 examples would be properly adequate to help you visualize:

1. Money doesn't grow on trees, mother repeated, so today you struggle financially.
2. You have a bad relationship with one or both of your parents, and today you're seeing a mirroring effect in your relationships.
3. You felt a lack of love as a child, and today you wonder why no one else wants you.
4. As a child you were told that you were no good and useless, and today you feel unworthy.
5. You were bullied in school, and today you have low self-esteem.

Today what we're going to do is to find out what are those branches growing off of our most predominant fear, and then work with it in order to finally ease the pain associated with it, or better, delete symptoms that may be a by-product of one or more past experiences. Anxiety, for example is a by-product of a fear which has manifested in a time way before we even started having symptoms of anxiety. Let's flip the coin around: our body is being dominated by an unknown fear stuck in our subconscious mind and is re-lived through each of our experiences. It doesn't matter if we saw it coming and recognized it, or if we had absolutely no idea we feared a particular fear, either or the emotion which rises at the surface is a fear from deep within us.

They say that as a child, more precisely before the age of eight, we have yet learned to understand our feelings in order to express them as emotions. Therefore we couldn't deliberately choose to accept or reject a particular feeling, thus by default we've adopted them all, negative or positive feelings. That is mainly the reason as to why today we keep attracting the same events which are a match to those feelings. In other words we've adopted these patterns which lie in our subconscious mind, which is THE most dominant consciousness. Understanding what are the "Royalty" controlling our everything is the first step to unleashing ourselves from those past experiences that no longer serve us.

As we all know, our fears expressed in the form of emotions can be manifested through an illness, anxiety, depression, a particular event or person, a thought or a future event or scenario (e.g., how will I pay rent this month, or how will my future look like 10 years from now). So, what do these fears have to do with the core issue? Everything... let us detail with a few scenarios:

1. Will I ever come out of this financial struggle?
2. Why do people make me feel rejected?
3. Why do people hate me?
4. Why do people make me feel worthless?
5. Why do people make me feel angry?

You may find that you can replace the noun people with a distinct name, and that is even better.

Now let's take a quick look at this converging diagram for a brief moment:

This example represents worthless as being the core fear, and we can see clearly how it's branching off as different assignments, but ultimately they are all by-products of not being worthy.

If only the root fear never existed, there would be means for the secondary fears to exist.

From this observation, we may want to blame, for instance the fear of reputation, but because a fear cannot be manifested overnight, yet it requires years of affirmation, convincing and many replicated back-up scenarios for a fear to become a dominant fear. For example, if your core fear is worthless, it was certainly not caused by a couple of people telling you that you were worthless.

Ignoring our fears is really not the best thing you can do for yourself, although it may help reduce the emotional pain momentarily, however in the long run it can only continue to grow branches. It would be like switching your attention towards something that feels more positive, while the fear lingering in you awaits another opportunity to arise, once again.

Now dwelling on our financial problems instead of looking at possible solutions is focusing on the problem only, but the core belief behind the financial problem is what requires our attention, and it's what's causing us physical and emotional pain, so it's essentially not the fact that we can't pay our rent.

So how can we find out what are our core fears? We can do so in 3 simple and easy steps:

Step 1: It's Time To Ask Questions

First, we need to find what is troubling us, what are we afraid of, what event, people or circumstances seem to cause us the most physical, emotional and mental suffering, and we can do this by simply asking ourselves questions. This should be done at the time a fearful emotion has manifested, but anytime you feel ready is also good, whatever feels alright with you.

Now that you've purposely chosing to hold on to one fearful emotion or a parallel moment, ask it about its originality by using probing questions such as the below. This will activate the critical thinking part of the brain:

1. What am I afraid of?
2. When was it?
3. Where was I?
4. Who was I surrounded by?
5. Why am I afraid of it?

You may add to these questions and dig as deep as you possibly can. This may require a bit more time for some people depending on how suppressed the core fear is, or to others it may come very easily. Simply let your mind do all the work, let your mind take you where you want to be, let go of any thoughts and completely surrender to it and trust that it will show you what you're seeking. Do not try to force the process by provoking a thought or a "desired" scenario, or worse suppress the emotion from coming to the surface. This is a good time to be brutally honest with yourself. Trust that your mind knows you best :)

Important note: Before beginning with this process please keep in mind that you don't necessarily want to "relive" that moment, but instead what you're looking for is to "revisit" it as the older version of you, and observe that point in time (from the 3rd person perspective) and allow the experience bring up for you memories, flashes, images, words or any feelings or emotions from this moment. Since the heart of the fear was most likely manifested as a child you may not necessarily see pictures or images, but you may only feel the emotions surrounding that fear.

To conclude with step 1, simply take note or perhaps have a friend take note for you of every bits and pieces you were able to subtract from this experience. You will be surprised how much will be revealed to you; blueprints you were unaware of, and most importantly you will recognize what are those negative imprints that have been governing your life up until now.

We hope you have fun with this simple exercise and don't forget to smile once in while :)

In 3 Easy Steps To Finally Realize Your Core Fear (Part 2 of 2) we will learn effective techniques on how to narrow it down to one predominant fear and navigate The Art Self-Revealing, only one fear at a time ♥

Namaste

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4 Powerful Reasons Why Anxiety Is Your Friend (With Tips!)

We can choose to look at our anxiety as the enemy, something that wants to harm us, something that wants to destroy us, or even eliminate us from this earth, but with a little imagination we can look at it from a completely different perspective... it's really up to you. Which perspective are you choosing?

1. Become Friends With It, Since It's Asking For Your Approval Anyway

As we know, the first step towards allowing self-healing is acceptance, though it may be easier said than done, it is very much necessary. Why? Because ignoring the problem will only temporally "store it" until it ceases the opportunity to rise back up to the surface and say Hey you! Did you forget about me? With that exact tone... let's be precises here.

We are conscious that by pushing against the unwanted we're actually not pushing it away, but really what we're doing it pretending like it's not there, but where does it go? In our subconscious, yep.

Our fears have only two places to go, in or out. The places, people, events or memories we fear most, at any level of intensity, along with what causes us the most pleasure, are all engraved in our subconscious mind. They serve us all day long, every day, with no exceptions, just like constant feedback mechanism, and it does so to in order to protect us against harm! Yes...

Our subconscious knows precisely what to look for in every situation; it finds the core emotion behind the lived experience (in this case negative memory), which is most appropriate to our current environment, and then converts in a way that we can understand it, to a thought. Next, this thought generates the utmost appropriate feeling or emotion attached to it so that we're well aware of "how we feel" about it this particular experience, since we're unable to read our mind at a subconscious level. Hence the unpleasant or unwanted feeling coming from nowhere. Here's an abstract example:

If you quit on doing your dishes for a week, bacteria will wondrously start forming. By ignoring it, not only it won't go away my itself, but the unpleasant smell that lingers in your home will keep on reminding you to "do your dishes".

It's no wonder, it's a support system -- to support a healthy mind-body-and-soul.

We must be brutally honest with ourselves and see it as what is, and not for what "it seems". In other words our bodies tell us that there's something honestly wrong, and if left unattended it will begin to show physically (physical illness), mentally (mental illness) and spiritually (disconnection). There are no such thing as a false alarm when it comes to our human nature. 10 years later, we begin to feel pain, we get physically ill, mentally ill, or in conjunction with one another.

So, what does it mean to accept our anxiety? In essence it is you accepting it for letting you see what you are truly afraid of, thus something that was long forgotten is now found, and now today you can free yourself from it. A fear is usually attached to a childhood memory. The reason why they are fears today is simply that they were never properly addressed, then other circumstances resulted to confirm that very fear, but only today, it feels much heavier. It may be far, but today it's asking for your full attention, forgiveness, as well and self-forgiveness.

Our subconscious holds many secrets, but sooner or later they will be revealed, in fact they are revealed to us every day, we just don't see it as is. Accepting our anxiety is really about agreeing with the idea that our symptoms are actually triggered by negative aspects of our lives, even though we may did not consciously choose upon them before the symptoms or panic occurred. So, it's time to face our dishes and just do them already!

2. Your fears Are Here To Guide You

I fear me, I fear you, I fear my anxiety, I fear everything! I may just be going in fear!

Anxiety is manifested out of fears, and the last thing we want to do is to stay stuck in a fear cycle, which sort of looks like this diagram:

Once the core fear alarmed more fears as secondary you could possibly find yourself panicking and feeling stuck in this overwhelming dance of fears, which logically will feel quite confusing. But let's not fear! Because we also know that what we persist resist, so there is no difference when it comes down to our own fear of anxiety! Meaning, since fear needs fear to persist, there is really no common sense in feeding it more fear, right? To add, fear is really only in our heads...

Remember that our feelings are really just a mirror of our thoughts, so by reminding ourselves that we have control over our thoughts, we then gain an immense sense of relief, and our feelings and emotions are no longer out of whack. Our thoughts are nothing more than a "product" of oneself, however if they no longer serve us any good, we can reduce emotional negative behavior simply by being aware of what we're thinking, and deliberately choose to either stick with it (causes us to feel good), or get rid of it (causes us to feel bad). It's like mastering a new game, the self-awareness game, perhaps?

For instance, in that moment when you feel that tightness in your chest, or that head-rush, or your heart is beating faster, keep calm, remain focused, take control over your breathing and bring each breath to a slower pace, then take a deeper breath and visualize exhaling the fear out of your system from your mouth. Repeat as necessary, until the fear is no longer dominant.

If you're ready to take it to the next level and begin an emotional healing process. Ask yourself these questions: Why you think you fear this particular thought (aka memory). When was the first time it took place? Was it recent? Can you stop fearing today it or will it require diligent effort? Perhaps try these 5 simple steps:

1. Think about what causes you to feel this emotion
2. Find that core memory and feel the emotion
3. Understand why it happened the way that it did
4. Give your forgiveness to everyone involved, including to yourself
5. Find peace within yourself while holding that image in your head

Here is a great video supporting the idea of healing our emotional body: How To Heal The Emotional Body - Teal Swan.

Remind yourself that you are your thoughts, thus you are in control, and not your fears -- they are only your messengers ;)

3. Your Triggers Are Only Insisting Reminders

Our triggers were unfortunately not taught to "knock before you enter", nor do they call ahead of time as a friendly "head-up". It's kind of like an unexpected friend surprising us with a box full of jumping spiders... go figure. The question is, why?

When we think of something that surprisingly makes us anxious, or afraid, or insecure, that's when we know we're dealing with one of our triggers. They come from all directions; circumstances, past events, places, people, and although we may not be at that very moment thinking about them, unconsciously we are. Let's just call them engraved triggers.

We usually associate our triggers based on how we feel or our emotions, but really they come from beyond that; our thoughts. Are thoughts are what ultimately cause us to feel those painful feelings and emotions. Yet, some people may say that they did absolutely nothing to invite that thought, or others may say that they were occupied with laundry and obviously not in a negative state of mind, however, that simply cannot be,

nothing exists without first being in a form of a thought, in other words what causes us to feel anxious is nothing less than us resisting a thought.

Please let us explain further with an example:

You're talking to a friend about a show you're thinking to attend, while your subconscious is looking for evidence (positive or negative) to support you in this moment, then surprisingly enough it finds a negative memory attached to a similar scenario, consequently when all seemed fine you suddenly start to feel your throat tighten up and you begin to choke on your words.

Everything we do is ultimately attached to a memory.

We may have multiple triggers or it may only be one that shows up again and again, but the importance is that we recognize them; what they are, how we feel about them and where they originate from. Or we can also ask ourselves these specific questions: What makes me want to crumble in to a ball or run away? What makes me feel uncomfortable? What do I dislike the most?

Asking yourself any questions really can help guide you in the direction of clarity. Once you've narrowed them to a few, ask yourself these follow-up questions: What are these feelings or emotions linked to? And what are they trying to tell me?

Below are some suggestions of other common triggers:

• public speaking (e.g., social anxiety, low self-esteem or low confidence)
• specific phobia (e.g., physical illness, anxiety symptoms, car crash, heights, etc.)
• social interaction (e.g., social anxiety or low self-worth or self-esteem)
• a particulate person (attached to a negative event or memory)
• a specific location (linked to a traumatic memory, person or event)
• anxiety (fear of symptom or panic attacks)
• death (continuously fearing your death)
• memories (linked to a traumatic memory, person or event)
• your destiny (not achieving your goals, not finding that soul-mate, etc.)
• money (not getting enough money or not making as much as you wished for)
• illness (fear of getting ill, aka Hypochondriasis or Nosophobia)
• the list is really endless...

A memory is a thought at the subconscious level. These triggers can reveal themselves in the form of a thought or an image, and each is linked to its own unique engraved dominant feeling. Hence the way you feel is appropriate based on your personal experience. Your triggers may be obvious to you, or they may not be, but it is your duty to find out what they are.

Understand what are your insecurities or fears, or better, by knowing where they come from this will give you the key to the door of your anxiety mystery. Learning to face our fears is exceptionally healing. Reassuring ourselves by introducing the theory that there are no good reasons to fear our anxiety or our symptoms can be extremely reassuring, yet it is only temporary. What you want to do is catch it at the subconscious level, and handle it from the root, where it was undoubtedly initially born.

4. Anxiety is Not Reassuring, but You Can Be

These 7 uplifting reminders are simply to come in handy during those hard times:

1. Everything happens for a reason, so there is no reason to be afraid. Ask yourself questions.
2. Nothing lasts forever, but it will if we choose to ignore it.
3. With knowledge, the right tools, our will, dedication, and with greater self-awareness, we can learn to move through life's challenges by recognizing that they are here to teach us, not to harm us.
4. We must listen very closely to what our body is saying, we must take action, and learn.
5. Life is our greatest teacher, and the only way to speak to us is through experiences.
6. You have chosen to be here, find what is your black so that your white becomes evident.
7. Self interrogation gives you mind clarity.

We must be brutally honest with ourselves, while also remaining true to ourselves. Discover who you really are by the contrast of your experiences, and love the life you indented to live. No doctor can see through you, at least not the way that you can ;)

Namaste

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Fear Diagram image credit: mindoveranxietyissexy.blogspot.com

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